L'Odyssée de la Vie

I'm 7 weeks pregnant today and when I woke up this morning I found that a friend of mine had posted a version of L'Odyssée de la Vie to my inbox on FB (thank you, Moonseed!)... I managed to find the full length video on YouTube. Watching this brings me into a state of spiritual ecstasy. Enjoy!

Doh!

These are the seeds from my Ostara Apple Offering to the Goddess. I knew it was important for me to look at and document the seeds - I just didn't know WHY... there are three unsprouted seeds and one sprouted seed. I knew the sprouted seed had to do with new life... something new being born or created... I just never expected to fall pregnant this year! Also, look at how the seeds are grouped. The first two at the top are my first two children, born a year apart (1995,1996). The third is Miranda (born in 2002) and the fourth is 'beanie'... due on the 28th of June, 2011. WOW!!!!

Hormonally Yours

Poor bloke didn't know what he signed up for. Week 6 means that the hormonal seasaw is in full swing. A bitten off head, anyone? It's OK, I've got several and I can't eat much at the moment anyway - I feel too sick.

In case you didn't know it, you absolutely cannot win an argument with a pregnant woman. She is right. Get used to it.

I'm a touchy hormonal handful right now and I know it. You will learn to love it and if I'm not feeling supported you will know about it.

Morning Sickness Again

I thought I'd dodge that bullet good and proper like I did with the other three, but it seems that beanie comes with little waves of queasiness. It started a few days ago and I thought I might have to give up coffee as it seemed to push me over the edge. Don't get me wrong, I don't hurl. (Nothing except too much vodka ever had the power to make me throw up.) But I feel terribly fragile and lose my appetite.

It turns out that the antidote is not ginger tea, lemon essential oil or any of the other tried and tested methods for keeping morning sickness at bay - it's simply to keep on moving. If I'm physically active there is no queasiness. That's Mama Nature's way of making sure I'm strong and healthy methinks.

I love to move. I'm happy when I move. I'm blessed with a great gym and beautiful woodland walks. The only thing missing at the moment is a dance studio. If anyone has one to spare, please get in touch!

Thank Goddess!

Because my last pregnancy was nearly a decade ago, I find myself taking stock of how I'm different mentally and emotionally this time around. I can honestly say that I have the Goddess to thank for being much stronger today than I was 8-9 years ago. Connecting with Goddess energies and honouring the Goddess within has made a world of difference.

I was clinically depressed during most of my third pregnancy, and actually got better post partum. I hated being pregnant, I feared giving birth and I hated my body. Luckily, I was able to get help from a good councelor. I was made to see one when I begged for a cesarian. One of my biggest fears was that the midwife wasn't going to be there during the pushing stage. Swedish hospital had already begun to experience staffing problems when my first child was born, and by the time I found out I was pregnant with my third, I had already lived through the hell of going through the transition phase and the first couple of pushes on my own... having to desperately shout to get somebody's attention.

Ironically, I went through the very same scenario with my third as well - at least I was better prepared this time. I swore to myself like a seargeant would to a bunch of useless squaddies. Anger works better than fear. Yep, the third delivery was the best by far.

Physically, I'm different too this time around, of course. But not that much. I'm yearning to get back into belly dancing again, and I'd love to try dancing my way through the entire pregnancy as well as the early stages of labour. Dancing ties all the spaces together for me - it's a way of connecting the dots between the spiritual and the physical.

Only Women Allowed!

I've made my mind up. I don't want my partner in the delivery room with me. However, I would like a female birthing partner, a.k.a. a doula. Thinking back to my past three deliveries I realize full well that there is very little thought going on while giving birth. There is a lot of feeling though. My experience is that a male partner cannot enter that feeling space, whereas a woman who has given birth herself should hopefully be able to be right there with you...

He's fine with not being in the room with me while I give birth, thank Goddess. And yeah, we have a while to go yet and we might both change our minds, but this is how I feel about it now.

We have our first midwife's appointment booked in for the 11th of November which we will both be going to. This is the first time going through this process for me in the UK and his first time as a father-to-be, so we both need to clued get up.

The Veil

Is it possible to become even more sensitive? I'm a natural born empath but my sensitivity is now off the charts. Every little thing registers like a medium sized earth quake... Dreams linger like an extra layer of cloting during the day and the veil between worlds appears flimsy like broken cobweb.

It is clear from the Vortex Tarot reading I did for myself last night (Samhain/Halloween) that I could do with grounding my energy - The Ace of Swords was located in the Root Chakra, as if to say that I'm mentally cutting the chord that grounds me into Gaia. In the Circle of Life Tarot, the Ace of Swords depicts a pregnant woman with a beetle hovering in the air next to her. It's quite a surreal image but it really, really fits in the root chakra right now.

Yesterday, I was reminded of a couple of women who crossed the line while giving birth. If you are already sensitive, the pain of giving birth might be all it takes to push you over the line into a full blown psychosis... But what is a psychosis? In a less patriarchal society, experienced older women might step in if this occurs. They might look after the baby until the new mother has completed the journey and integrated the soul fragments that broke off due to the pain... They might even help her sing her soul back into the body.

Instead social services take the child off the mother and she is put in an institution where she is made to medicate against a condition that medical experts don't understand...

I sometimes feel like I missed a turn and ended up on the wrong planet...

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