Choices

Non-love - The Lovers (art by Rene Magritte)

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a 

I thought we would love each other forever because in every moment I was ready to forgive, surrender and start over. In every moment, I was prepared to communicate and I knew that I would always choose to find a way forward together with you because I loved you with all my heart... but it takes two.

When I begged you to meet up to talk a few weeks after we lost Willow, you refused. You said you couldn't and that your 'guardian angel' was telling you not to. What kind of guardian angel is that? What angel would stop healing and communication from happening?

You didn't want to see me again so you blamed something you don't even believe in. You blamed an angel.

Then you told me you were sure I'd be fine. That's when my heart broke that final time. That's when the blackness took over. That's when I knew I had lost you forever.

You left me to grieve on my own. You left so you could go and do your thing and forget all about me. You never loved me. Your love for me never existed because love does not make a man leave the mother of his dead baby when she most needs him, nor does it blame the angels for the choice. It was your choice.