Because my last pregnancy was nearly a decade ago, I find myself taking stock of how I'm different mentally and emotionally this time around. I can honestly say that I have the Goddess to thank for being much stronger today than I was 8-9 years ago. Connecting with Goddess energies and honouring the Goddess within has made a world of difference.
I was clinically depressed during most of my third pregnancy, and actually got better post partum. I hated being pregnant, I feared giving birth and I hated my body. Luckily, I was able to get help from a good councelor. I was made to see one when I begged for a cesarian. One of my biggest fears was that the midwife wasn't going to be there during the pushing stage. Swedish hospital had already begun to experience staffing problems when my first child was born, and by the time I found out I was pregnant with my third, I had already lived through the hell of going through the transition phase and the first couple of pushes on my own... having to desperately shout to get somebody's attention.
Ironically, I went through the very same scenario with my third as well - at least I was better prepared this time. I swore to myself like a seargeant would to a bunch of useless squaddies. Anger works better than fear. Yep, the third delivery was the best by far.
Physically, I'm different too this time around, of course. But not that much. I'm yearning to get back into belly dancing again, and I'd love to try dancing my way through the entire pregnancy as well as the early stages of labour. Dancing ties all the spaces together for me - it's a way of connecting the dots between the spiritual and the physical.
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