Not always what we want...

I hear people complaining about the unfairness of life and think to myself "Yeah, no kidding and who said it would be fair anyway?"... but deep down I know that although we don't always get what we want, we always get what we need. Fate doesn't grant us a happily ever after just because we were abused as children or abandoned by a partner... Life is, always has been and always will be what we make of it and the things that are out of our control and in the hands of fate aren't up for bargaining. The sooner we accept this, the greater our chance of peace and contentment.

Willow is gone but still with me in spirit and every blackbird I meet seems to stop, look me square in the eye and say 'My love abides'... Willow is not a little one in spirit. She's one of the great ancient ones who came to teach. She always knew she didn't come to breathe the air of this planet - her soul contract was of a different nature. Long before coming to earth, Willow's father, Willow and I met somewhere in the celestial realms to agree on the terms. Tough that we couldn't remember this when I first fell pregnant and was so full of hope... but then if I had, what would have happened to the lesson we were meant to learn?

If I have learned anything at all is that we always, without a doubt, get what we need. If I were to pause right now and pull two tarot cards - one for what I wanted and one for what I got (which is what I really needed), they would reflect this truth.

*shuffles and pulls two cards from the Pearls of Wisdom Tarot*

What I wanted: The Knight of Cups - True love and someone who would stand by me when my world fell apart. That's not how it happened at all. The one I loved with all my heart and thought I could depend on left me when I was at my weakest and most dependent on him. So... did I need him? Did I need the man who left me a week and a half after I miscarried and was back on the dating site where he and I first met two weeks after the death of our child?

What I needed: The Ace of Pentacles - A gift of something so much better than I could ever have imagined appeared... Or, as the companion book to the Pearls of Wisdom Tarot puts it, "New abundance. Invaluable opportunity presents itself. A melding of material and spiritual prosperity. Good fortune of all kinds awaits you. Gaia blesses you. The divine feminine notices you and smiles upon you."

And to think I wanted to end my life over someone who tossed me to one side like a piece of rubbish after the loss of our baby! To think that my life could actually have ended that way and that it so very nearly did... and I would have missed out on all of... this!