When things go wrong...

Beanie 11 weeks + 6 days. Swelling at back of neck not visible in this shot.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to me. Not to Beanie. Not because it couldn't happen to me. I'm more a 'Why not me?' than a 'Why me?' person, but I had a dream last night about a beautiful baby girl who puckered up to kiss me... and so I completely trusted the 12 week scan to be perfectly fine and normal.

It wasn't. They found a swelling at the back of Beanie's neck and it is massive compared to the size of Beanie - 6.6 mm. I saw it plain as day and I knew straight away that something was wrong.

Also, it is not a good sign when the nurse won't take your money for the scan image.

I was sent to see a doctor straight away, and he managed to pull some strings for me and my partner to go see a specialist in Northallerton tomorrow.

They suspect Down's syndrome but I won't know anything until after all the tests are done.

I cried as soon as I saw 'the bubble' - ignorance is bliss sometimes. Even when the nurse told me that it can sometimes be normalised by itself, I knew it would take a miracle to shift a swelling that big. And so I'm hoping for a miracle. Miracles happen - I've seen them up close.

Many of my friends believe in miracles too and they are all praying for me and Beanie. In the meantime I shall try not to worry.

Beanie, I love you. You know that. No matter what happens.